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Johnny Queer

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There is no John ... only Zuul [01 Nov 2008|09:29am]
Halloween Costume 08



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Grad School [09 Oct 2008|11:54pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I know it's been over 2 years since I've actually posted here but I need a place to vent my ideas for a moment and I dont trust my facebook/myspace friends to be that interested or have thoughtful advice but there are a few people here who might have helpful advice.

Basically, I'm a little less than satisfied with my Grad School. Maybe I was too idealistic and thought the experience might be better but I have to say I'm a little underwhelmed.

I was contemplating trying to transfer to another grad school but after talking it over I decided that might not be worth it. However, now I have a new idea. My program is very short (26 credits) and a lot of the media study classes are 4 credit hours. Now, the breakdown of my degree is as follows....

12 credit hours in Media Study
12 credit hours in an outside concentration
6 credit hours of electives
6 hours of masters thesis

Now, this semester I am taking 13 credit hours and will have my 6 credit hours of electives completed (Media Ethics & the Movies and Art & Psychoanalysis). I will have 4 credit hours of DMS (independent study) and 3 credit hours of Global Gender Studies (my chosen concentration).

Next semester I want to take Film Theory as well as Dystopic Visions which will complete my DMS requirements. In addition I want to take Women Directors and Readings in Feminist Theory (which will bring me up to 10 credit hours in my concentration).

All I would need at this point would be my 6 hours for my thesis and 2 credit hours for my concentration (and since most classes are at least 3 credits I could do a directed study for 2 to satisfy this).

So, the question is.... Would I be insane to attempt to finish over the summer? I'm taking 4 grad classes this semester and it is going well so would I be insane to attempt 4 classes plus a 2 credit hour independent study? That way I would only need to do the thesis over the summer?

This has been done before by a friend of mine who just graduated from the same program so I know I wouldn't be the first. Additionally taking the extra classes in the spring would save me a great deal of money as UB does not charge extra for any credit hours over 12.

However, if I do this I would need to send out PhD applications in less than two months. This could be difficult as I have not been able to form deep enough relationships with a lot of professors to count on letters of recommendation.

I have a lot to think about but 85% of me wants to just do it. I love to finish early and work myself to the max.

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fuck [14 Jul 2006|04:33am]
[ mood | depressed ]

I just found out the guy I had a mad crush on in highschool got married. :(

And to top it off, my bed broke just now.

I think it's a sign I should kill myself.

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buy Brokeback Mountain at Wal Mart! [04 Apr 2006|09:05pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]

In case any of you didn't know, Brokeback Mountain was released today on DVD. There was a big question wether or not Wal Mart, known for it's good christian family values, would carry the movie because of it's homosexual content. Well, they are carrying it, ignoring protests from conservative christian groups like American Family Association (because gay people don't have families, right?)

This is a very important move by Wal Mart, it shows where their true agenda is. They may pander to the christian right but when it comes down to it, they are more concerned with money and business. They know that Brokeback Mountain was one of the biggest hits of the year and it would be a huge mistake not to carry it, they also know that although people will claim to boycott them, in reality they won't hardly damage Wal Mart's business.

To think that the rednecks who are 'protesting' Wal Mart's decision to carry the film will actually manage to stop going to Wal Mart is a joke. Wal Mart knows this and has made a very smart move in offering a movie that although their core market probably disaproves of, will utlimatley make them a lot of money nationwide.

So, thank you Wal Mart for bending your morals for the sake of money, and for offering the movie at a bargain price of 16.99!

Now it is very important to buy Brokeback Mountain at Wal Mart so they realise they made a great decision and to show the protestors that there is a market for this film, and Wal Mart will do just fine without them for the two weeks they manage to boycott before they realise that's the only place they can get their Larry The Cable guy merchandise they ever so cherish.

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9 to 5 [31 Mar 2006|11:50pm]
tranny chocha: I'm trying to move ahead, but the boss wont seem to let me. Sometimes I swear that man is out to get me!
MARKZOMBIE: Have you talked to him about it?
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DC/Toronto/NYC [22 Mar 2006|06:24am]
[ mood | excited ]

Sarah, her old man, and me are all going on a spring break adventure this week. This is the first time I've actually acquired vacation time from work, and it lined up with my schools spring break, and I have a lot of money right now. So it should be great.

We're going to the DC area for Thursday night. Toronto for Friday and Saturday night We'll be on the road most of sunday and then in NYC for Mon Tues and I leave for back home wednesday.

Very excited.

We're going to be staying at the same hotel as Amanda Lepore. Sweet!

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You Don't Have Very Far To Go [07 Mar 2006|02:11am]
I found this song Lucinda Williams covered and it's amazing. I love the lyrics...

You always find a way, to hurt my pride
If I'm not cryin', you're not, satisfied
I don't know why you want to, hurt me so
If you're tryin' to break my heart,
You don't have very far to go

You don't have very far to go before the heartaches, begin
I already feel the sadness, of a heartbreak, settin' in
You've turnin' down the flame of love, too low
If you're tryin' to break my heart,
You don't have very far to go

turn around

You don't have very far to go before the heartaches begin
I already feel the sadness of a heartbreak settin' in
You can't love me and still love, to hurt me so
If you're tryin' to break my heart
You don't have very far to go
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Happy Valentines Day [14 Feb 2006|01:50pm]
You don't know what he means to me, Dolly

Dolly is my Valentine this year, because she is awesome.
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I went out and bought those nicotine patches...very hard to light! [11 Feb 2006|11:10am]
I went to Tampa yesterday to see a comedian, Kathleen Madigan, she was funny. I also went to see sarah and jude. good times.

me and kathleen madigan
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Canada Eh? [02 Feb 2006|11:34pm]
Sarah and I are going to Toronto and New York at the end of March.

Jealous much?
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A Love That Will Never Grow Old [25 Jan 2006|03:12am]

Go to sleep, may your sweet dreams come true
Just lay back in my arms for one more night
I've this crazy old notion that calls me sometimes
Saying this one's the love of your life.

Cause I know a love that will never grow old
And I know a love that will never grow old.

When you wake up the world may have changed
But trust in me, I'll never falter or fail
Just the smile in your eyes, it can light up the night,
And your laughter's like wind in my sails.

Cause I know a love that will never grow old
And I know a love that will never grow old.

Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

I just bought the Brokeback Mountain soundtrack and it's amazing, almost as much as the film. Apart from the music score from the film it is a great country western mix. It's got great songs from Willie Nelson, Mary McBride, Steve Earle, and Linda Rondstat. The most amazing song though is "A Love That Will Never Grow Old" performed by EmmyLou Harris. I highly recommend it, along with the film.
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The truth is... sometimes I miss you so much I can hardly stand it. [24 Jan 2006|03:41am]
[ mood | sad ]

Brokeback Mountain is my new favorite movie. It even bumps Alien out of number one, well maybe they are tied, but for now I am just in love with Brokeback. If you haven't seen it yet, you should. It really is the saddest and most touching movie I've ever seen.
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old journals [22 Jan 2006|08:08am]
I just went through all my old journals and it seems like a blur. It doesn't even sound like I wrote it. I was a lot less cynical then. I was like 17 and 18 though. I don't remember a lot of those things even happening.
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I don't know much about clothes but my hair looks fierce! [02 Jan 2006|10:11pm]
I don't know much about - much about - much about - much about - much about clothes and things
I just talk about - talk about - talk about - talkin to my friends when my cell phone rings
I don't care about this that - this that - the other, what you talkin about?
I just show up - all done up - dance - do my thing - get paid and I'm out!

I don't know much about clothes but my hair looks fierce!

When you talk all I hear is wasay blah blah - wasay blah blah blah - take me to my car!
Got a 50 foot stretch limousine - color creme - Jocelyn Wildenstein at my minibar.
I got friends in high places with plastic faces - boys in braces wanna change their races.
I can't stop - cuz I wont stop - the party starts as soon as my dress drops!

I don't know much about clothes but my hair looks fierce!

- We are live on the red carpet in hollywood with Amanda Lepore, can you tell us Amanda - WHO MADE YOUR DRESS?

Some mexican children in an LA sweatshop - who work nonstop until their heads drop - they weren't allowed food or water to drink - but they still did a fierce job don't you think?

- Yes I do

Thank you!

- Now about that dress

Forget about the dress let's talk about my breasts!

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Happy Birthday Jamie Lee [22 Nov 2005|05:50am]
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Jamie Lee Curtis, My second favorite actress, was born today. I think I'll watch either A Fish Called Wanda, Halloween or True Lies today. Or maybe all three.
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& All my Senioritas steppin on your Filas [03 Oct 2005|03:10pm]
I have lost 11 pounds since I started working out a couple weeks ago. So far my favorite two albums to listen to while in the gym are Veruca Salt's Eight Arms to Hold You, and TLC's Greatest Hits. I am so proud of myself.

Other than my new found love of the gym, nothing is new. I'm going to see Veruca Salt three times this month. A friend from work is going to one of the shows with me and traumas is supposed to aswell but the skank hasn't called me back.

If only I had more friends to ask. *sigh* oh well.

Also, I've decided for sure not to go to Screamfest. The only thing worth going there for would be to meet Danielle Harris but I think I'll pass.
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[16 Aug 2005|07:42am]
[ mood | depressed ]

Wow. I can't believe it's been a year. A year ago today, someone I loved very dearly selfishly took his own life. I'm a little bothered that at this point I still know very little about it all. I've only spoken to his family once and the only other people that knew him well were Nicki and Dan, who I no longer talk to but didn't seem to have any answers themselves.

I keep typing sentences and erasing them. I suppose I really don't know what to say about it. I know I no longer ask what if or why because I know those are questions that won't ever be answered. I do still think about him, and my memories of him still make me sad.

I remember the last day we saw each other. Nicki, Dan, him and I were all going to a midnight showing of the Village. Before we left we all had dinner at Golden Corral. He had such a sarcastic tone that night. I remember after the movie he refused to listen to us talk about it because he liked to analyze the film and form his own opinion without outside thoughts. On the way back from the movie he was tired and layed his head in my lap. Although I would have preferred that not be the last time I saw him, it was still a very fond way to remember him.

I remember being in the bookstore for my college buying my book for my World Religions class when I got a call from Keith. Someone I never got calls from. He asked if I was sitting down and, annoyed, I asked "Do I have to be?" So I lied and said I was sitting. And he broke the news. I was so upset yet angry. Kieth was someone I didn't get along with that well. I didn't think he deserved to be the person to tell me this news. It hurt that I had to hear it from him, and not someone like Nicki or her Mom.

I remember the first person I called was a girl I had known for a while named Danielle. I called her because she had lost a close friend of hers a couple years back from a car crash. I hadn't talked to her in a while but she still rushed right over. She was so comforting because she had been where I was before.

The weeks after I listened to these 4 songs on a loop...
-Me and Bobby McGee by Janis Joplin
-Malibu by Hole
-Walk On By by Dion Warwick
-The End of The World by Skeeter Davis

I remember being afraid to talk to Nicki and her mom because of how emotional they could both be and I didn't think I could handle it. Surprisingly they were both pretty calm. I remember when I told my then good friend Shirley about it her response was "Oh well if it makes you feel any better my birds started fucking today." How could someone be so cruel? Why would she think I would feel better because of that? Within a month or two our relationship fell apart because of her coldness.

I also lost my job a couple days after it happened. I was in no shape to work but they made me come in anyway. So of course when I had a breakdown and left they fired me. They had no sympathy for me at all. A Place I had worked for for a year and been a very good worker for.

A couple months ago I got a tattoo for Grant. It's a little heart shaped box that has the words "All of My Tomorrow's" written around it. I got the words from Me and Bobby McGee. (I'd trade all of my tomorrow's for one single yesterday to be holdin' Bobby's body next to mine)

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I'm fine now, a little depressed but overall I'm okay.

"I'd trade all of my tomorrow's for one single yesterday
to be holding Bobby's body next to mine.
Well, freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose,
Nothing, and thats all that Bobby left me"

"If you see me walking down the street
and I start to cry each time we meet
Walk on by
Foolish pride, it is all that I have left
so let me grieve in private, because each time I see you
I break down and cry
Walk on by."

"Help me please
Burn the sorrow from your eyes
Oh, come on be alive again
Don’t lay down and die"

"Why does my heart go on beating
Why do these eyes of mine cry
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when you said goodbye"
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happy birthday [06 Jan 2005|04:14pm]
today is my birthday....
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my family is more insane than yours! [07 Dec 2004|01:01am]
[ mood | crazy ]

Well my family decided to give our presents out tonight. haha.

My mom hasn't gotten me a present yet. My sister and I got her rugs, table clothes, throw pillows and a slip cover for the couch.

My mom and I got my sister a new hot pink satin bed set. I'm still getting my sister another thing though.

My sister got me 2 CD's (Christine McVie and Sarah McLachlan) and 3 Jamie Lee Curtis movies; A Fish Called Wanda, Terror Train and Prom Night.

we are mental in the morning.

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[30 Nov 2004|07:14pm]
[ mood | A little gassy ]

I tell you one thing....Zach is a damn handsome man.


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